Tag Archive: Self-Awareness


WITHIN—

 

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Rest assured wherever there is chaos the devil has been.

 

She walked away from her life just like that. Indifferent. Wisdom comes suddenly. After all of the energy spent in thought, worrying, debating, doubting…she came to understand perfectly that fear is merely a trick set to keep you from living your life, away from your faith, empowerment, and the clarity it takes to ultimately have everything you indeed need.

 

She took the burden-off like daylight slips into a setting sun, and discarded it as, yesterday...

 

I’ve learned from that son of a bitch the devil. He’s been there like a close companion, listening carefully, feeling the pain, slapping me on the back with support and laughter, encouraging my will… A real wrenched-neck-motherfucker, you know? All of it only to learn what and how he could defeat me. He’s had his way with me. I’ve gone weak in his presence and given him the pleasure.

 

When the devil is playing a powerful hand in your life, like a hot buttered biscuit in a cold winter’s empty gut, or a vodka tonic to the tune of your emotional sorrow; to fold and give into indulgence is merely momentary satisfaction, side-by-side failure. It fills a need for want…Tricky bastard! To taste the bliss of decadence on your tongue, the sweet heaven it may be, is illusion. To fulfill wanton lust in a ten second climax, or close your eyes to rest from running-up-hill, because it seems too daunting, is merely the pretense of a feel good moment, selling yourself short, the weakness that ultimately ravages you and your life.

 

It’s a simple but brilliant game we play, he and I, self-satisfying sabotage, feeding that bastard what it craves, and it’s all in your head: your failure, and your fulfillment. You ask yourself what is stopping you, or your life from being all that you want. Insist someone has stolen your success, and patented it as theirs. Blame it on bad luck, and/or a bunch of pricks you wish you’d never known.

 

Even if it seems you get what you want in the moment by giving-in, and abstaining by all means feels like hell; it’s hell that you need, if you don’t want to want any longer!

 

Here and now is the only moment to corrupt everything, or not. Evil and hope’s only chance. Only hope is weak. Yes, both will place you in the shackles of fear and pain, to keep the truth from you. You’ll beg and willingly grasp at straws. You’ll think you’re right when you’re wrong. You’ll be afraid to fail when rather you would succeed. You’ll believe everything is going to be okay when it won’t be. All the while, that shit-eating grin cast over your world like a painful sore, compelling you to pick-it until it bleeds in need of a protective scab.

 

An epiphany dawns: It lives inside of you, the ultimate control to feed or destroy it, to empower it, or yourself. It’s that simple. The love each part has for the other, side by side the same, for what you give and take away from each, is a balance that keeps you feeling safe.

 

I found his weakness: The fear I’d get to – know her for who he is… and I did! I turned him upside down, put his shattered bones in a steel pink box, away from my heart, at the soul of my feet. Scared shitless he pissed him self when I took my first steps. Suddenly he was old and decrepit. His grin not so pretty, or persuasive, as he pulled his singed tail between his legs, and howled in a revolting way.

 

She smiled a devilish grin in satisfaction, and thereby was reminded: I am all of these things within, good or bad, and I decide whether to self-destruct or thrive.

 

“You are your problem, and you are your solution.”

 

The cold turned into light, and through it eyes of awareness saw certain warmth. Content, she could finally rest at peace her struggling heart.

 

—Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte ©2017 All Rights Reserved

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Mine

Rainbow

Mine

This short space,

long in endurance,

has an abundance of fragments,

pieces to pull-apart and reassemble.

Where once there was:

A singular motion.

Belief.

Awareness and identity.

(Perhaps awareness was illusion.

Identity, a guest.

Motion, stillness in disguise.)

Come and stay for a while.

Here in this is your refuge,

Be this innocence, this joy,

 

Safe 

(From an otherwise negligent existence.)

 

Oh, but it was a life!

It had a road to follow.

A perfect wisdom—

(Little beating heart,

You always were so trusting.)

It shattered.

The foundation a quicksand

Damn it all to hell!

With a lullaby why don’t you…

“A pocketful of posies”

 

For the death of it all:

Scattered broken-delights,

escaped

into a world-unfortunate.

For experiencing less than perfect,

it is blessed all the same.

Honey,

capture the taste, sweet like a blossom, on your tongue,

before everything dissipates,

and you become a shadow to it all—

Remember:

Life’s meaning

IS

l o v e

For

what makes sense,

and doesn’t.

Comes or goes.

Touches tender the spot,

or

stings irreparably.

On, and on, and on…

We live and die

pleading for its capture,

to render our hearts helpless.

 Unknown

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte

©2014 All Rights Reserved

Admittedly

SPT 4

There’s a shadow on my back,

watching, listening—

I feel compelled to answer

to the son-of-a-bitch!

Meanwhile, meanwhile,

I don’t want to be censored!

Why do I have to explain myself?

To you,

and you…

And fuck him quite honestly—

R e v o l t!

That’s about the time I start

To retract my common sense,

go all whiny like a six year old:

Stepping-up on my toes,

pushing my heels outward,

pulling-up on the hem of my skirt,

contorting my arms behind my head

with excuses!!!

And I hate the weakness.

You just want to piss yourself!

When God gave some authority the right,

to manipulate your mind —

You learned

well,

the anxiety.

Control, control…

Repress the anger.

Fear and stuff it down

with a good dose of salty-sweet…

Blood on your teeth.

Attitude

Possess it!

You know,

pretend…

Take steps into,

1, 2, 3…

Whoever you need to be:

S a f e.

They talk about between,

in the grey—

but you know,

you know…

There’s only black and white.

It’s shown those

pearly-fangs

in the darkest-dark.

Even when you’re aware… 

It’s better not to be right,

become entangled

in how to choose everything

w i s e l y-

Until you go mad

searching for yourself—

And how brave it is:

To be you.

C o n f e s s…

Admittedly!

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Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte ©2014 All Rights Reserved