Tag Archive: love


Indifference

c6cff2f38546308f5c49d181210e9b33

Love is not the answer… It never has been. Indifference that is your saving grace. Trust me. Love is a poet’s dream, verse, lyrics on the page, or on the tongue of a voice like an angel. It is painted strokes of violet and amber, by a temperamental artist. Don’t believe in the dreams of those dreamers! I have awakened from such a plight. I have danced frivolously to the song, read the verse with great motivation, and dreamt in magical color, free and innocently, believing… Therein lies the death of everything. It is indifference that keeps your heart in tact, your life situated – a novel’s happy ending.

–Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte ©2016 All Rights Reserved

God, The Tree, and I

mighty-giant-tree

One— God the tree and I —

Feminine and masculine nature. 

In love become branches, stories…

Honey to the bee.

Sting of death: A sincere part of everything,

mountains, galaxy…

The way it transforms, reestablishes connections.

Earth, flesh, fish in the sea.

Universe – A trunk full of treasure.

God —the wind before the tree:

Color me, please, an orange leaf —

I want to fall into seasons,

veins accelerated with the blood of life,

though never into time’s unending cruelty.

M e m o r y

You in the womb—

Heart beating.

Soil’s rich history, nutrients,

enthusiastically expand our roots.

When I am the bark, hardest on, “Myself,”

forgetting…

Grow a forest inside of my heart.

Remind me I am you,

to be soft sapwood beneath.

Innately understanding generations,

external, internal.

Home to a bird, a squirrel rushing

to safety along my waistline.

Let it all be a rainstorm. Stars.

Grass green with wisdom beneath.

I am all of these things…

Gravity’s soul – A blossom

Crown sturdy upon her head.

Boy taking cover in the shade,

about to climb his destiny.

-Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte ©2016 All Rights Reserved

Lavender Garden

norfolk_lavender_garden_653_jpg_originalLetting go.

Your hand—a ghost.

 

The love: warm blood remains.

Will continue to pass through me.

 

Thump, thump…

the pounding empty chest,

swallowed down a burning throat.

 

Hold her willingness to stay. Please!

Nurture it like sweet breast milk.

I may become your solid foundation,

stone woman. Perfect waistline.

 

No heart.

 

“For what do I feel with purpose”,

you’d ask?  The pain mere inconvenience.

 

I want to build a Lavender garden,

land softly, a butterfly to its scent.

Smile—the perfect yellow.

 

You can sit on a throne of clouds

that cannot hold your influence,

 

let it fall, sorrowful grey rain.

 

The dawn or dusk can find us:

 

A silent consequence.

 

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte

© 2016 All Rights Reserved

 

 

Two Stars

A hundred thousand years—

 

Many millions to ensue…

 

Where we will be, longing.

 

The vast darkness.

          Faithless.

                    Always the same!

 

However, dotted speckles of light

do not question,

 

but are disciplined droplets – A fire-ballet.

 

Delicately skim pedals of

gold horizon, aspiring hearts

willingly innocent.

 

Strongly carved planets,

those immobilized souls,

elongate – calves pulling up onto toes.

 

Spin, spin…

 

The progression of hopeful chords—

 

Symphony of galaxies, continual,

birth new homes, infinite desire:

 

Honey twirling-off edge, a spoon,

light years from the tongue.

 

Two stars, waiting too long…

 

S e p a r a t e

 

Their celestial bodies – gravity,

allow a great fall.

 

Into love become extraordinary,

 

diminish the gap between God

 

          and unabashed fulfillment.

 

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte ©2016 All Rights Reserved

fffa026014a2e19477d18e23f8ce0282


little-girl-picking-dandelions

Here I am—flowing microcosmic energy.

Everything you almost see and feel,

unwittingly.

Your mother first captured it for you,

in a blue sky and floral ensemble.

Your father in the wind, surrounding.

Tenderness brought you here in fields

of Blazing Stars. The grass roots

playfully encouraging your wonder.

Discover:

If the day and its sunshine could sing,

what would it, for you?

 

Love, let it be love.

I do…

In a world so forgetful,

be the air

though unrecognized, faithfully

everything in life.

©2016 Maria DellaPorte All Rights Reserved

FullSizeRender.jpg

The Pancake

americanpancakes

It is said you are what you eat—

I’d like to bid farewell

to fifteen pounds,

but oh how bittersweet their memory…

And with that:

The griddle sizzles.

Little water bubbles

spritzed from my fingertips,

hop about, hot, in joyfulness.

It is a Saturday past,

long past—

The sun shining is a 1970’s toss,

between innocence and change.

It is a different brightness,

unscathed by disappointment,

and a thousand types

of death.

My mother’s apron is colorful fruit,

a vine of commitment,

tied decidedly around her beautiful waist,

(expanded and retracted,

seven times giving life).

The butter’s sweetness fills the air,

like lilacs scent a summer’s field.

A table waits with triangle-folded napkins.

Maple’s woody-amber flavor

will drizzle swirls with all the answers.

My father’s seat, at the head of the table,

seems larger than the rest.

He serves and is served.

Respect—

There is buckwheat,

vanilla,

eggs and milk,

golden-brown.

A batter churned,

and family…

My sisters enter,

each with their own style:

hippie, humble, tough, dreamer, conceited,

blue-eye-shadow—

The two boys: dark-haired princes.

Protectors.

Adventurers.

Learning…

Sometimes pleading for no sisters!

An AM/FM radio, sturdily

on the Formica kitchen counter,

plays mellow-rock,

matches the mood of a Long Island breeze,

swaying-gently sheer-white curtains.

Our dog, Pinky, sits upon a window seat.

watches for bicyclists,

setting-off her Beagle’s bark.

Quiet!

(Soon to be indulged with scraps).

Oh, how I love a good pancake—

Sweetness.

Love.

A loyal-pup.

My sister’s sass.

Brother’s bravery.

My beautiful mother’s nurturing…

Father’s lessons…

Saturday morning’s sunshine,

hopefulness.

All of it…

Because I am what I eat:

The nostalgic pancake.

Stacked,

a circle of heaven.

Cut-into,

and delightfully consumed.

Satisfy a space for

peace and happiness. 

What once was in every bite—

 fulltummieshappyfaces2

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte

©2015 All Rights Reserved

FullSizeRender-1

***

 After thought – I discover in myself a revelation, that, the “pancake” in and of itself, in fact, is not an evil weight-inducing-conspiracy against me and my goals toward fitness, but rather what I seek in eating it is: the fulfillment beyond its flour-mix and fluffiness… What leads to much more indulging than I should, in an attempt to consume more than the meal itself, but that of the security of love and nurturing it was once served with on its porcelain plate. For as a child, the buttery-sweet pleasantry never created an extra pound. The meal ended where it was, with nourishment, energy, eaten together as a family. It wasn’t until later that the search for more than “its…” (not just the pancake) caloric nourishment, would lead to a less than gratifying experience, all while ingesting the heavenly bites in hope towards a fulfilling and happy life.

As an aside thought – Food is life’s source for survival. Love is the emotional source that gives way to great things: accomplishment, courage, charity, fortitude… Sometimes, the two sources become entangled and confused.

 Image

I’ve no inclination for writing a story, not today.

The day feels more like scattered feelings.

Everything is moving in the gray mist,

with hopeful shadows of green love,

escaping—

Fast as a locomotive that I want to be on,

dreaming,

going forward…

Into the moment where the world opens her arms to me,

like a mother-angel, or a lover,

covering all doubt in the glorious abundance of receiving.

Good!

I can shout aloud in that moment up to the heavens,

stay!

It will be a covenant and I shall abide by all of the rules of peaceful satisfaction.

***

For there is no place I want to be,

neither in a home, or on a mountain,

viewing a beautiful painting or emerged in a book,

at sea with blue perfection, above the sky and moon,

not in the wind or a memory…

or world

without love and you.

***

When love is no longer a promise but a given,

I can see to the end of time,

to know there is in fact none,

every beautiful glimmer of life, revolving.

Resolve it—

Even pain becomes magic you can hold onto and nurture,

or set free to give to new birth.

It is my power to sense,

and feel all of these things,

and

to stay or go…

I choose neither,

  without you.

***

If there is one gift I could

implant into your heart,

it would be trust—

What I need most.

And the only way is unwavering.

***

I am free from all fear

when understood:

All I have

is love

and everything is

an empire

built

on love

Maria DellaPorte©

Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved

Thank you – Led Zeppelin – “If the sun refused to shine I would still be loving you, If mountains crumble to the sea it will still be you and me.”

Still Consciousness

Image

It is not the years that put on age but the predicaments we travel through…the slicing and dicing of our hearts and souls…draw deep lines of regret on our faces and weigh down our breasts in the gravity of despair…adorn you in white turbulence…remove your hair in literal losses…Eventually give-up your mind most willingly, though subconsciously, to dementia, deafness, going blind, because the safe-havens built as the foundation of your life have always been but mere illusion, a formed quicksand.

If everyone remained as his or her innocent child, in his or her natural state of potent life force, birthright, the sunlight in us would never stop enriching each cell with exuberant flow, the bodies we host. The light abounding in the universe would cup us in stunning perfection and peace.

It is when we separate from our Source that we succumb to the cruelties of nature and life outside of ourselves, foreign to our natural state and whither in its grasp. We become the earth in all its beauty and frailty, giving way to changes that are purposeful and significant, if you are a rock or fields of grass, the tide or seasons, but we are not…

We are the stillness of consciousness that never dies and always knows inherently all that is and isn’t present in perfection.

This beautiful lesson here on earth, poignant in pleasure and pain, is magnificent as we leave grateful to have experienced every tingle of emotion. Back to the place we came…we are…and never left…never born and without death.

It is glorious intellect, sensory, source, and movement,

God—

One heart galaxy in love, all there is, ever was…

Being—

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte

© 2014 All Rights Reserved

True Love Story

ImageImage

Look at these two people I was raised by, Francesca Sessa and Filadelfio Pisciotta. They are almost too perfect to believe in, but I, my other siblings, family and friends, are their testament.  They were a part of the greatest generation. Actually, they were the epitome of the greatest generation.  I take such pride in my parents!

My father, Filadelfio went by the name, Fred, in order to be more Americanized in his quest to grow in business.  He had to drop out of high school in order to help support his family during the great depression.  So, he shined shoes in Harlem and found other odd jobs that helped to put food on the table. He learned about life and responsibility outside of a classroom.  In his free time he would study the dictionary, and read the newspaper and other written material. He told me how he would take a word, memorize it, and use it in conversation. He never wanted anyone to know he had to stop his schooling and he wanted to engage intelligently in conversation.  My father went on from his days shining shoes to a career in sales that he built with pride in customer service and satisfaction. He was shrewd and tough but always remained grounded and humble. His heart was big but he came from strong stock.  He learned every aspect of the stock market and went on to make over a million dollars (huge in those years and not bad today either) with no help from anyone, simply of his own will to succeed and provide for his family! He served in the Army and became a Sergeant in WWII where he served years abroad.

My parents were both of Sicilian descent. My Mother grew-up in Brooklyn, my Dad in Harlem.  My mother was the oldest of three girls and the baby sister to a brother, Vincent, who perished during WWII at sea in a shark attack leaving forever a vacancy in his family’s hearts.  My mother shared letters from her brother where he asked her to pick-up Christmas presents for the family.  He wrote how he looked forward to seeing them all soon. He called her Francie.  She told me how her heart sunk into her stomach the day the telegram arrived.  She never forgot that moment. She described to me eating her favorite taffy at the time, and that after that day she could never bring herself to eat it again for surely the taste of her brother’s death remained.

My mother was beautiful, innocent, poised, gentle, spiritual, passionate and romantic. She was raised strictly to be a lady, Christian, strong but nurturing.  She was reverential of all of these things. Mostly, she was in love with my father.  They met at a dance.

They both have told the story of how they first met.  My mother explained falling in love during their first dance together.  My father was more apprehensive.  He thought she was lovely but too young.  They were six years apart.  When his leave was over and he went back overseas my mother wrote him.  He wrote back.  My father said that he was falling in love with the heart of the girl in the letters.  When they met again at another dance, that my mother happened to sneak-off to, (deceiving her parents, a highly unusual act) but in this case worth the risk and defiance, Filadelfio would come to learn that Francesca was no longer that girl from the last dance but had become a most elegant and beautiful woman. Together they danced, talked and laughed.  It was then my father promised to come home to my mother.

My father sent money home in an envelope to his sister, Lucy, and asked her to please pick-up a promise ring for my mother.  At this time my mother had become friendly with my father’s family and spoke of him to her own. The ring is pink gold with red ruby stones. It is engraved, “To Frances Love Fred”.  Years later, my parents gave this ring to me and I forever cherish its value.

When my father returned home on leave he went to meet my mother’s parents and ask them permission for their daughter’s hand in marriage.  In a questionable language they asked, “But what is this, I thought you said he was Italian? There will be no marriage!“ My mother frantically explained, “Oh but he is…!”  My father’s Sicilian dialect was often misunderstood. Once against his true will, being I was his baby no matter what age, he taught me how to speak to a boy about lunch: “Voy neshada con me natro voltro eo voglio neshada con tu.

They were married! My father went overseas again to serve the rest of his time. He explained how he would get airsick in the planes over France, and how they ate potato skins.  My mother prepared their first home, an apartment in Brooklyn for his return.

Their first child was a son, Vincent, named after my mother’s lost brother. Year after year they had more children, seven to be exact, and three miscarriages or it would have been ten! So, there were seven total, five girls and two boys.  They started off raising the first half of the family in the Brooklyn apartment but then bought their first and only home in Valley Steam, Long Island.

Life was never easy for my parents but it was rich with goodness, love, stability, religious belief, and family joy.  It’s been said to me by outsiders that my family life growing-up was unreal and resembled the television series, “Leave it to Beaver.”  This is the truth.  My mother was always well kept, dressed and beautiful. I think maybe three times in my life I saw her in pajamas beyond breakfast time, sick, and it scared the hell out of me it was so foreign that I should worry!

My father worked six days a week, one to two late nights and once a month on Sunday. He furnished our home with the same beautiful merchandise he sold. My mother worked hard in the home. She raised seven kids, cooked meals, cleaned, did laundry, changed bed sheets, took kids to the dentist, participated in fundraisers, and school PTA. She was the leader of my 4H group, The Pretty Tulips.

As a family we ate our meals together, until one by one, we grew-up and left the nest.  In the morning each day was a different breakfast before leaving for work or school.  Saturdays we always had pancakes and on Sunday, my father would wake-up early to go to Everbest bakery and pick-up rolls. My mother would make bacon and eggs. Our juice was poured out into glasses with printed flowers adorned on them, and a little red multi-vitamin for each of us sit at the side of the glass. If there was toast it was all buttered and in a central dish that we all shared from.  I was drinking coffee since I was four years old. My father would pour the milk and tell me to, “Say when…” and I always said when.  The theme was structure and togetherness.  My parent’s priority was family, always making God and religion and spiritual practice center, but above all connecting respectfully with love for each other in everything they did.

In looking at the world now as an adult with responsibility, family, hardships, I can’t imagine this was always easy, in fact I know it wasn’t. In addition to dealing with the turbulence of five teenage daughters, along with the typical roughhousing of having boys, additionally, they had a child with Downs Syndrome, lost another from cancer, learned of a son being gay in a time it wasn’t acceptable, never mind in a Catholic-Italian culture.  However, none of this deterred my parent’s. They never faltered, not once.  They worked harder with my sister who had Downs, they nurtured my sister with cancer more, and they taught my brother to be brave and that he was accepted and loved for who he was.  As a result of my parents and family, I learned diversity, acceptance, compassion and how to love unconditionally.  There was never a time I ever questioned the security of my home, the love from my parents for my siblings, me, or between themselves.  The foundation was a rock!

As I wrote earlier, I take great pride in my parents.  I am so grateful for the home and upbringing I come from.  I’m proud of the individuals they were, of their faith, courage, sacrifice, fortitude, and love.

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her late sixties.  She finally succumbs to her illness just shy of her seventy-second birthday.  Anyone who has dealt with this illness knows the depth of care taking involved but no matter my father would keep her home, the home they built together for us, until her final breath. We all said our goodbyes to the matriarch of our family, and our home reaped the sadness of the emptiness without her.  At eighty-nine years of age our father passed away in hospice care after suffering a stroke.  We each individually held his hand, prayed, thanked him with love and said our goodbyes.

Is it any wonder coming from this background that the realities of this life today, with its busied, unrelenting, for ourselves world, no time for God or breakfast, ego battling, control rather than ever submitting to another for love and sacrifice, would be found less than satisfactory, that my blessing would be my biggest curse?

I have the top of my parent’s wedding cake, their pictures and notes to one another in love, out in the open where I can see, as an invitation to the universe for the same, so that the seed they planted in my heart not be a romanticized view of life but reality.  I am my parent’s daughter.

So, is time the greatest betrayer when it comes to wishes come true?  Has the way of life evolved so much so that we lose the fabric of who we are and how much better we can become, together?

I never gave up but have tried to institute all that I’ve learned because the world may have changed but I’ve already lived the proof of what works!  I want to love this same way with all of my heart.  What better way could I show gratitude to my parents for making a home in a world of uncertainty so completely certain with the truth–

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte

Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved

A Letter

Image

Dearest Collector of Thoughts –

      Some of us spend a lifetime trying to find the meaning in ourselves, with the hope others, or specifically another, will understand and help us to do the same; to relate to a calling inside for connecting, and bonds that may help to save us on a multitude-of-levels by which we leave the weight of any despair behind.

     Personally, I have come to find this search includes a process of letting-go and forgiving something I am yet to understand. I can only identify with the presence, the thief if you will, that prevents my emerging into brilliance.

     It has come into question in my own belief system, if perhaps some of us were meant to be “only” sensory beings, maybe all of us (though many do not recognize this), here to experience all things earthly, in beauty and pain to which we are foreign, merely to absorb them as knowledge, not that they should become a part of a soul that is already perfect.

     We come here innocent and unbroken without a need for fixing!  Yet we decay to the forces outside of ourselves, to rigid belief systems, to trying to fit into an illusion rather than into our own hearts.

      Born of flesh and vulnerability, the one thing we must rely on is trust, an ethical code. The gentle ones: the small, meek, disabled, animals- are tests to that code of humanity. When any one of us is purposely neglectful or cruel not adhering to the code, they destroy all of us, into bits and pieces of broken humanity that suffer.

     Life has the potential to become a wonder if we accept not being truly attached to it but merely visitors in time and space.  This I believe to be truth that we are educators to each other and students of God.  We own nothing but borrowed time.

     In the end we fight for our last breath rather than easing into it, not because we fear the unknown, pain or any other previously experienced symptom of life (everything having already been out of our control) but because we are saddened to think we may be alone, no longer a part of love…   

     No matter how much suffering there ever was it all becomes glorious to realize we were part of something more extraordinary than ourselves. The relationships we shared…

      Unfortunately for us, the earthly dwellers, this knowledge is too often lost in the time searching, the rearranging of what already flows, rather than acceptance the fight for control, 

     …..and the realization that we have it all comes clear as day, as we go…

     Every musical note you’ve ever heard will tell you so —

     Home, faithfully, home.

Maria Pisciotta-DellaPorte

Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved