I have a good heart!

Seriously…

I show respect and gentleness towards all living things, except for of course, Centipedes, large-hairy-spiders, or water bugs. They have me stomping to kill, send me running screaming in disgust, and no matter what Buddha says, I find no love for these creatures! Blick… They don’t even have a word for describing.

So, it’s summer in Long Beach on a beautiful, sunny Tuesday.  I’m thankful.  Last October we suffered an awful hurricane, Sandy, that among a thousand negative things, seems to have stirred up the bug colonies under the soil. It’s certainly average to see a Beatle, from time to time, get into the house, and ants in spring, or after a good rain can become a nuisance. Try however, a Beatle in bed with you on three separate occasions and nuisance quickly becomes Insectophobia! Yeah, it’s been at least five weeks since one of my companions has come to spend the night with me but be that as it may, I still go to sleep with cotton in my ears every night since my nephew explained their hankering for building nests in one’s ear cana! Thank you.

When for the first time I saw the little ants in my bathroom I didn’t like it but accepted their misguided steps, and asked them kindly to leave and find a puddle. They weren’t ready to reason with me.

Notice in the below video all of the beauty, the calming sound of flutes, and most importantly that none of these creatures are in my home, Buddha.

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Anyone that knows me will tell you my home is immaculate. I don’t like dirt and everything is organized, so frankly, bugs are an insult.

Now, I tried to follow Buddha’s example and absolutely did everything within reason to peacefully, lovingly, escort these stubborn bastards from my home!

Today, I woke up and while preparing my coffee and refilling a sugar bowl, I found an ant colony having a party in my baking goods!  I swear they were dancing and I could hear salsa music. Well, let’s just say that I went from Buddha (or trying to be) to Al Pacino, in his character as Tony in Scarface, in seconds flat!  THAT’S RIGHT, YOU WANNA PLAY? SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

Raid, a wet mop, smashing guts, all with bedhead and a pre-coffee attitude, I declared victory!  A most sinister snarl came across my face and I said,  “That’s right, you’re gonna die here! Tell all your friends!

I could hear the chanting of peaceful, loving of all creatures, souls, in the far distance taking pity on my lost sanity.

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